Friday, August 8, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Show Up. Push Play. Do You.
I'm in rock star mode.
For so many years, I have dreaded and hated the exercise part of the equation and it has held me back forever. Like I have written before, without repeating what I said before too much, I hold onto memories about how agonizing it felt to be at 300 lbs to move and sweat and even though that was in the past, I would often forget that I am 100 lbs less than that now and while I have a lot of work to do, it doesn't even compare to those days when I was starting out. So when I finally got back on the horse and started exercising again, not only was it not as dramatically agonizing as I had built it up to be in my head, but the realization of this made me feel strong at a time that I was feeling exactly the opposite.
Within the firstweek day I was already looking forward to "showing up and pressing play." That's all I had to commit to doing. Just.show.up.and.press.play. Simple. No over thinking it. I didn't have to get all the moves. I didn't have to catch all the beats, I just had to move and "do me" wherever that was that day. I'd get better and next time, I'd catch a few more beats. I'm in MY territory and no one can see me flip flopping around and I don't feel self conscious that my body has a shadow that is attached right to me, never quite getting there until a half second later.
It was like a switch was flipped in my head and I was able to look back at myself as the girl who walked into that gym on January 2nd dreading what was to come and say goodbye to her because that girl never walked back out of the gym with me that day.
I have finally accepted (with open arms) that this is my life now. It is not a means to an end. It is not a temporary time in my life to help me get back to my goal weight. It is a part of my life routine and I already see it as being an enjoyable part of my future. I always shook my head at people who "claimed" that they enjoyed working out (I thought it was a load of you know what). But now I'm starting to feel what that means.
So, this is why this insignificant result on the scale this week does not disappoint me. I know this is my life now and because of that, weight loss is really just a side effect of my life, so it matters not when my body reaches my goal weight as much as it matters that I'm doing all the things that I know are going to get me there.
I'm a real woman, a real mother, a real wife, a real employee who lives a real life and rolling with it, is just a necessary part of living in the present. To me, this means that there is no more looking into the future with envy - no more dreaming about "that day" when certain goals are realized. The truth is that I'm living my life NOW just like I will when "that day" comes - nothing will be different, I'll just be smaller and, well, probably doing all sorts of more healthy & athletic type stuff that all the fun, happy, fit people do, but you know what I mean :-)
For so many years, I have dreaded and hated the exercise part of the equation and it has held me back forever. Like I have written before, without repeating what I said before too much, I hold onto memories about how agonizing it felt to be at 300 lbs to move and sweat and even though that was in the past, I would often forget that I am 100 lbs less than that now and while I have a lot of work to do, it doesn't even compare to those days when I was starting out. So when I finally got back on the horse and started exercising again, not only was it not as dramatically agonizing as I had built it up to be in my head, but the realization of this made me feel strong at a time that I was feeling exactly the opposite.
Within the first
It was like a switch was flipped in my head and I was able to look back at myself as the girl who walked into that gym on January 2nd dreading what was to come and say goodbye to her because that girl never walked back out of the gym with me that day.
I have finally accepted (with open arms) that this is my life now. It is not a means to an end. It is not a temporary time in my life to help me get back to my goal weight. It is a part of my life routine and I already see it as being an enjoyable part of my future. I always shook my head at people who "claimed" that they enjoyed working out (I thought it was a load of you know what). But now I'm starting to feel what that means.
So, this is why this insignificant result on the scale this week does not disappoint me. I know this is my life now and because of that, weight loss is really just a side effect of my life, so it matters not when my body reaches my goal weight as much as it matters that I'm doing all the things that I know are going to get me there.
I'm a real woman, a real mother, a real wife, a real employee who lives a real life and rolling with it, is just a necessary part of living in the present. To me, this means that there is no more looking into the future with envy - no more dreaming about "that day" when certain goals are realized. The truth is that I'm living my life NOW just like I will when "that day" comes - nothing will be different, I'll just be smaller and, well, probably doing all sorts of more healthy & athletic type stuff that all the fun, happy, fit people do, but you know what I mean :-)
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